![\"Jeffie,](\"https:\/\/www.sense.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/IMG-20230416-WA0016-1024x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nI am disabled and queer, and these are two inextricable parts of what makes me who I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I became aware of both my queerness and my disability gradually. Getting my diagnosis at 25, much like realising my sexuality, felt like turning on a light. Everything finally made sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My identities are multifaceted. I often face barriers, whether it\u2019s other people\u2019s attitudes, or physical barriers and accessibility issues. However, there are also positives \u2013 I\u2019ve built a wonderful community of LGBTQIA+ and disabled people online.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Through this online space I met my current partner Ru (she\/they). They are a femme person who is also queer and disabled. Since being in a relationship with her, I\u2019ve become more acutely aware of the overlapping discrimination we face when we go out as a queer, disabled couple. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not just us. In 2022, more than 11,000 disability hate crimes were recorded<\/a> \u2013 a 43% increase on the previous year. Homophobic hate crimes have also doubled in the last five years.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n These are worrying statistics, making it clear that this is an important conversation to have this Pride Month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are so many things Ru and I need to consider when we go out together. First, we have to think about our mode of transport \u2013 will both of our wheelchairs fit in the taxi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If we want to travel, we have to research how safe our destination is for queer couples, as well as whether it\u2019s accessible (which it often isn\u2019t).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nothing is ever straightforward. Recently, I wanted to book us in to see a show at the theatre. The staff member almost refused to book us in without a \u201ccarer\u201d, even though I told him this wasn\u2019t necessary. As we\u2019re two people going out in wheelchairs, it\u2019s expected that we have someone to look after us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Granted, there are times when we need someone to come along and help. But this is not always needed. It\u2019s frustrating when people won\u2019t listen to us or believe us when we say what we do or don\u2019t need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “I vividly remember one of the first times we were out together in our wheelchairs. It was as if we were animals in a zoo.”<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Unlike my sexuality, my disability is mostly visible, since I use a wheelchair. I\u2019ve experienced lots of ableism when I\u2019m out in public, such as being refused entry to places, as my wheelchair would \u201ctake up too much space\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My partner and I are both wheelchair users, so when we\u2019re out and about together \u2013 even without the added layer of being queer \u2013 we draw negative attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I vividly remember one of the first times we were out together in our wheelchairs in a supermarket. It was as if we were animals in a zoo \u2013 the amount of people who stared at us was so much more than when either of us go out with non-disabled friends and family or alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ve also experienced homophobia throughout our relationship, and this is always exhausting to navigate. There have been times when we have had to stop being affectionate in public after receiving verbal abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the more extreme cases of overlapping discrimination we faced was from a group of mainly women at a bar. I had my wheelchair parked near us, and Ru and I were both stood with our walking sticks having a little dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We were approached by the group, who initially infantilised us for being disabled people out enjoying ourselves. This is pretty common \u2013 disabled people are often portrayed as \u201cinspirational\u201d for leaving our homes and trying to live our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once the women realised we were actually a couple, this then took a turn into us being fetishised for being queer. Again, this is a common experience, but the group seemed especially fascinated by the fact we were a couple and both disabled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sadly, this led to very inappropriate actions and suggestions from the group, leaving us feeling vulnerable and in pain and shaken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone within their group poured a drink on my wheelchair, and tried to break the joystick. The dread I felt in that moment was insurmountable. My wheelchair is my freedom, it is essentially my legs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Situations like these are scary enough, but when you add disability into the mix, it means we are much more vulnerable. We\u2019re often physically unable to get away when we feel or are unsafe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whenever I tell a person that I\u2019m gay it\u2019s usually accepted without question, but the same thing does not always happen with disability. We are often met with questions, scepticism or the age-old exclamation: \u201cYou\u2019re too young to be using a wheelchair\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I often face even more scepticism when people realise that my partner is also disabled. Disabled people are desexualised, and it doesn\u2019t help that we don\u2019t have basic rights like marriage equality or being able to move in together without affecting our benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Existing in a disabled, queer relationship challenges people\u2019s attitudes daily. Even when it\u2019s tough, I\u2019m proud that my relationship is encouraging people around me to think differently.”<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Because of this view of disabled people not being sexual beings who experience love and pleasure, sometimes our relationship is seen as \u201cless than\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Queer relationships are also often considered \u201cless than\u201d, due to living in a heteronormative society. It can be difficult for people outside of LGBTQIA+ or disabled spaces to understand our relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When entering relationships as a disabled person, it\u2019s often expected that you\u2019ll find someone else who is also disabled. But the reality is that, when you do, society isn\u2019t able to understand. On the other hand, if you date someone who isn\u2019t disabled, they are perceived to be some kind of hero for being with someone who is disabled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before being with Ru, I had internalised ableism that made me believe that I couldn\u2019t be in a relationship with another disabled person. I believed that I was too much hard work, and I would need to be with someone physically able-bodied. But then Ru and I fell in love, and I realised I couldn\u2019t have been more wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Despite the challenges we face, we face these together and every difficulty is worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Being in a relationship where the other person knows you so well, and truly understands your overlapping identities and how these effect your day-to-day life is wonderful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Existing in a disabled, queer relationship challenges people\u2019s attitudes daily. Even when it\u2019s tough, I\u2019m proud that my relationship is encouraging people around me to think differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Throughout this Pride Month I have seen small amounts of progress in making LGBTQIA+ spaces more accessible for disabled people. We need to capture this momentum to keep improving things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Education is the most essential tool we have at our disposal. We need to work together to build a world where everyone, regardless of identity feels welcome and safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here at Sense, we’re all about inclusion. We’re proud to support the LGBTQ+ community this Pride Month. <\/p>\n\n<\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n Going out as a disabled couple involves lots of planning<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
When we do go out, we experience double the ableism <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Our disabilities make us more vulnerable to homophobia<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"Jeffie](\"https:\/\/www.sense.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/20230612_223927-768x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nOur relationship challenges stereotypes about disability and queerness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Through thick and thin, my partner and I face it all together<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Celebrating the LGBTQ+ community<\/h2>\n\n\n\n